Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
