oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
