I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
