You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
