If i could tip my vagina, i would.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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