I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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