Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
