i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
where are my eyebrows?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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