Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
