do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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