I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
