I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
