Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
