You work out of a Hotel?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
