he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
