i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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