just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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