one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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