Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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