The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
