Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
