chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
