I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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