yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
