I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
