how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i think i just lost a toe
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
