sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You took a bar mat shot.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
