I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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