is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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