Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
