Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
