I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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