My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize