white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
