3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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