my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
