STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
