Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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