By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
