I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
