I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
