How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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