Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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