Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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