I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
