We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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