Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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