Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
