Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
