I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize