Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
