Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
