He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't deserve a penis
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
