I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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