he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
