Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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