Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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