You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
