I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
