I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
