So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize