So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
