my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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