that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
