We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
