Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
