Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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