Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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