Pappa wants mamma naked
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
