This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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