I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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